Nothing to see here...

once apon a time there was a girl with messy hair and too much make up. she liked having friends and got bored or sad when she spent time on her own. most of the time when she was by herself she would just read or sleep. each night the girl would have friends over, or she would go out to visit her family. She didn't have lots of friends, but the ones she did have were very important to her and she got used to people turning up on her doorstep.


*******

she could see people around her, but she felt different. all these people were adults, but she wasn't and didnt want to be, although she was the same age... she was dreaming of the stars and of adventures.



******

I know you feel rubbish, like its your fault but you cant do it all by yourself. thats why i'm here, i am your guardian angel...and i know what its like to feel the way you do now

a random geeky fact that will possibly interest only me, but the illustrations for the last unicorn (the film not the book) were done by various artist of japanese company called Topcat..which eventually grew into what is now known as studio ghibli. tis aparantly noted as a benchmark for modern anime. so there you go.

www.illustrationweb.com




and is it ironic that i am going to a funeral on halloween?

interesting websites

www.indyworld.com/altcomics
www.lambiek.net

attempting to find illustrators suitable for the project im doing at the moment. i've found 6, all coincidentally linked to neil gaiman. a few of which i found randomly.either im completely predictable of mr gaiman is taking over the world!

2 interesting illustrators- asaf hanuka (and twin), and aya kato

The problem with all these books on How To Raise Your Child The Right Way, etc, is that they are tottally subjective. So many mums to be have been rushin in to buy Jo Frost's ('supernanny') new book 'confident baby care'. ("do you have it? can i buy it now? Where is it? Why don't you have it? I need it now!) as if without it they will fail as mothers. but isn't how you raise your child a very personal choice, or am i totally mistaken? Its not something that can be decided by anyone who can stop a child having tantrums. "its not crying, she must be right!" It's not even just the young mums that want it either. I can understand maybe, the ones that got pregnant too early, the ones that can't look to their own mothers for guidance, but its sensible (i use the term loosely) 30 year old women that seem to be the main market. Do it yourself-people have beenn coping for thousands of years!! Surely its not you thats meant to be getting spoon fed! It's this constant need to carry a self help book around. Save yourself from free thought, don't worry about having to make any decisions yourself...the book will guide you!

in other news...nothing ranty! I started writing my personal statement (keen, aint she!) haha, could really do with a bit of guidance on it...maybe i'll buy a book. 'how to write the best personal statements ever, and not fail at life' by doctor rahjeed m devine!

hmm

ahh..simple pleasures

www.youtube.com/watch?v=K2cYWfq--Nw

dont know if this link works, but if you type in daft hands to you tube it works. enjoy!

yay, daily internet access! (not dairy internet access as i typed originally, how would that work?? yeah..it just wouldn't) 2nd day of college, not much more you need to know.. i'm covered in paint and loving it. i need a naked boy model if anyones volunteering! (robbie...?)i really dont want to type nude boy into the computer..especially since everything is monitered..and well...its really part of the internet i want to leave a closed door on for as long as possible! i saw an artists impression of bald adonis, it was really shit! don't think there was any time spent on it at all. and not that anyone needs it for future reference, if you type bald adonis homer, lots of pictures of basts and statues of Homer appear, instead of oily blonde guys. ok...my playtime is over. i'm off to find pictures of dead crabs.

p.s i know as soon as i type this my computer is going to start its brainwash programme, but i hate macs! there so crap and ...white

i should have appreciated that nail...she asked if i wanted to keep it, ewww!!

Blondie was so good. bit of a whirlwind weekend- went from glasgow to stanstead, stanstead to cambridge, cambridge to thetford, then to brandon, back to cambridge, then to london (then london stanstead to glasgow) *yawn* it was fun. far to dear but worth it. blondie performed really well, and i have to say- for her 62 years the debbie is still a bit of a foxy lady! went to camden market too. twas a big adventure.

We spent a fair bit of the day on the underground in london- was thinking that if anything were to happen you would be screwed. it was so packed! it was a good experience tho- they should make little badges- i've survived the london underground!

Its just under a month till i become a student again. got the full loan, which is great. think i need a bit of a lifestyle change- make the most of the rest of my summer. i've been far too miserable and selfish the last year. i'm looking forward to a holiday in august where i can make things up to certain people, and its great to know that 2 weeks after that i'll be a carefree student.:-)

in general, yay!

stuff
xx

Argh!
just filled out my form for SAAS. i'm scared.Couldn't i just join the ranks in the street an shout "Give me money!!"? i get the feeling that somehow lots of money will be taken away from me instead...

Had a meeting (another meeting) in work today with the high heid yins. a far cry from the last one- karen gave us cake, i feel suspiscious. It was very power speechy, if thats a term. It amazes me how people can talk for an hour and just speak in slogans. it was good cake too.
i'm leading the harry potter pre orders by 3 (god knows how) and if i win i get a day off, £25 and the book for free. i doubt i will, and the bastards are trying to get me to lose.

Must try harder. bah.

Going to see Blondie this weekend, nice wee trip to london. its been a mental week actually, i miss my bed. i'd forgotten how bad hangovers can be, although aparantly coco pops are a fantastic cure. (try it)

Don't think i can resist the temptation of die hard... i'm man-less for a fortnight and the bruce is calling me!!

Nothing else to note. I always have lots of important things to say, but whenever i get the chance of an outlet (people, paper, the internet) my brain goes to mush. all i can think to write/ talk about is meaningless events in my day. oh well. i know these things are important only in my head, and im sure cake and bruce willis are definately more interesting points of conversation!

bye bye

today, in general, SUCKED.

Damn you all.

i would really enjoy setting things on fire. and kicking them. (although i realise this is stupid on 2 accounts..being the fire and the kicking)

Fought with my manager all day, and i cried. and although it isnt hard to do im still gunna hold it against her..
and the red tomato people told me they had found another illustrator despite having told me they were going with me. i'm not too bothered, just wish i hadn't told people that i was doing it. i think i verged on being smug (proud maybe) and it backfired.. cumuppence, you bastard.

Suppose i should get used to the feeling, but still.

well, everyone can just fuck off.

harrumph.

if you need me i will be at the bottom of a bottle somewhere

bah humbug! i hate being sick. i wanted to go home, and now that i'm home i want to go back to my other home. i just want robbie really, and to sleep. i hate feeling so bloody sorry for myself!! xxx

i'm sick of words and talking and reason and thought. i would love, for a bit, just to be. to float through for a while. happy and nice are words close to me. current and past relationships seem still to carry so much wieght in words. enough.i also like the word pie and cake. xxx

just a quick one as per usual.

borders had a 20% off day for people with beards! Ah, the look on peoples face..'so, beardy, did you know were giving discount to anyone with the slightest bit of underchin facial hair?you got lucky!' hmm. they do this thing called the giving tree and i thoughtit was all very kind and thoughtful, take ateg from the tree with a childs name on it, buy it a present and we wrap them and send them to kids in care. and its good, at the end of the day the kids get presents at christmas and they tend yo be good quality gifts so i suppose thats all that matters. its just the idea that the company does it because it makes them money, because all the presents are from borders. its just not charity from the company at all.they donate nothing, but the make it look like its such a generous thing. it relies completely on the generosity of the customer. and the names on the tree are made up!! meh. maybe i'm missing the point, it just doesn't sit well with me. i feel bad for misleading people. (on the same side i'd rather they did it that didn't. maybe just slightly more honestly) x

so i made a big fat tit of myself last night. clearly i was surrounded by too much teen angst. yuk. i am mortified, but i'm hoping robbie sees the funny side cos i'm emmbarrased enough as it is! bloody hell.

got my first tattoo as well, tis so pretty. a little swallow on my wrist, and a trail of stars (spacebird, oh yeah!) it was quite sore, but for some reason its a sort of appealing pain. i can see it beeing addictive...beware of the tattooed lady!! and the tattooist was excellent- don't think i'd want to go to anyone else.

mmm, you'd think for not having written i'd have more to say. i think everything i needed to say is out.

i'm utterly skint.

xxx

p.s it is very wrong to admit, but pink was excellent. i do not deny it!! i was impressed, and the variation of the crowd was surprising. i think she is a better role model for young girls than most. i was utterly wrecked tho, my big sis can fairly knock them back!! and there were so many females. coming from a girl who tends to go to concerts where the crowd is mainly male, it was scary. you could almost smell the bitchiness! maybe thats why i ended up in tears- i was at one with my female side. ...urgh...

p.p.s. does anyone want to give me lots of money so i can go back to college??and buy a cat? only a little one...

so,

Borders employed an actual boy to work at the fort, and all the girls are creaming over him because he's probably the first mildly attractive male to step foot in the place, and he's a med student. Its scary enough that there are so many girls anyway- i wonder how far he'd run if he realised how many drooling tongues were wagging in his direction. And i served someone today who i later found out had been in big brother *shock* when i went off to look for the dvd for him, instead of thanking me, he winked and smirked at my chest. Things like that just instantly make me want to STAB PEOPLE, and i was thinking what an asshole he was (well, what an asshole everyone is, but you cant dwell) when i found a cluster of girls behind one of the CD bays peeking out to stare at his crotch, or whatever, and talk about the dirty things they would do to him! I really hate it. Id rather not hear about you'd like to fuck if you could, or if you think their ass or tits are nice, i really don't fucking care, nobody cares if you tell us who you cant shag, but really wish you could. disguise it as 'admiring the human form' its basicly just drooling and objectifying, and frankly it seems desparate. It reminds me of how close we are to being no better animals. and its downright rude!!! i miss ettiquette, and politeness and gentlemen and ladies. Whether you like being tied up, being shagged in the arse, or want to touch small children, i dont care. keep it to yourself! It's different in the bedroom between two people, but even if you are completely comfortable with each other- do you really want to hear that secretly (or not quite) your girlfriend would like to fuck cristian slater in his younger days, or your boyfriend would quite like to feel mila jovovich writhing above him? most likely not, no. grr. To be honest, hearing yourself being described as a shag, or catching somebody staring at your tits doesnt particularly make you feel a bundle of roses either, whoever it comes from. Argh you can all go and wank yourself, i hope none of you ever gets shagged again.

So there. i'm fucked off, and i had to pick something to be mad at.

I got abuse from a shitty little ned creature on the bus last which was fun, ive got my big boots on today cause im in the mood for stamping on someones head :-D

that rant made me feel slightly better

other stuff.

im a bit more organized than i have been in a while, which is good. actually think i've given myself a wee bit too much work for nothing, but i guess its better than just nothing, so i'll give it a go.

going to see flaming lips on fri, and i got my ticket for nine inch nails. woop!

thats all x

aye. so maybe not everyone lets you down. but alot of people do. im still annoyed, but have calmed slightly, and im in aberdeen, which is away and helps a great deal :-) so thats all xx

Just a quick one. I've made up a portfolio and i'm gunna do the standard thing of taking it round places..but the places i've been to say they cant train people up any more. How the fuck do you learn to be a tattoo artist?? Suggestions welcome. Anyone who wants to let me expirement welcome *evil grin* xxx

Damn, i've not had internet access in so long, and now i do i have nothing to say. If only i could think of something inspired. I'm in aberdeen at the moment. robbie is in a class, so im in one of the computer rooms trying hard to look like a student. Well, i was on freestuff.com, guess i'm half way there!! I don't actually know to what point or purpose i keep this thing any more. I started it on behalf of my cousin, but i don't think she uses it, and robbie hears all my pointless drivel anyway. It's funny that you can think of so much to say, but its never when you're infront of a computer. Little peices of your life recorded on scraps of paper you carry around in your pockets, little peices that no-one cares about but you. On that note, sorry if i ramble and sound pretentious...i'm aware no-one may want to hear all the thoughts that pass briefly into my head, but i usually realise after i start talking, and there are enough unfinished sentences swimming round my head without adding more. thats all xxx

Aint gunna happen. Flat is going well, though i think i'm not doing everything right because the last two days my stomach has been hurting *crys* party is on saturday, eek! nervous more than anything- people! in my house! Fraser and ross came up last night and ended up taking acid just as me and katrina were heading off to bed. Woke up this morning with lots of little manic faces drawn on pieces of paper strewn around the flat, and the expression "loving it" everywhere. fraser texed us this morning to say they were in the park and that the morning dew was really significant. so eh, i think thats that.

My boy man goes to aberdeen in less than two weeks. And that's also that. If i think about it too much i feel like i might fall over.

And thats as deep and meaningful as it gets. I think i'll leave it to those in the park wondering over the significance of dew. xxx

Tonight is my last night at home. I got the keys to the flat and we move in tomorow. I'm a bit sad to leave mum, and we had a bit of a teary moment last night, but in general i'm looking forward to it. I'm really glad of the way things are just now, and a wee thank you to the people who read this for y'know..stuff.

So aye, thats about it! Bye bye to my bedroom, 6 bags of clothes, a bag of books, a few teddys and..eh..no responsibility? I hope i don't have to live off beans. (although cheesy beans on toast...)

Housewarming on the 2nd of september.

Love, Clare xxxx